Let’s face it. Nothing in this world is guaranteed save for the grave. Job interviews go south. Governments collapse. Taxes on an ever Northwards trajectory. Sons rebel. Fathers yell. Mothers clutch the cross. Hearts are shattered to fine hourglass dust. But do we stop loving?

Often a time, love comes to a screeching halt, hurling our emotions to the wall ahead. The involved parties then become sworn enemies ’til death do them part. The ‘happily, ever afters’ shared between pillow talks and night skies are suddenly erased from memory. It’s a whole new turf war. A battle of egotism and superiority that ends in blood and tears. To some severe extents, death lurks around and the rest is breaking news.


Three ladies sit at a diner’s patio, sipping drinks – probably milkshakes – chatting in rather loud tones, effortlessly sharing the story with the establishment.

“He still played me after all I did for him” will go one of them – a visibly tormented lady. She chugs her dink in the company of her sorority who condone with her. Genuinely or not, a naked eye can’t tell.

Her shelf life is way gone and insecurity is filling the space once occupied by ‘men are dogs’ baggage. She doesn’t look forward to Christmas anymore because the questions and the ‘where is our mjukuu (grandchild)’ look from family and friends in the village kill her. Given that her relationship has just ended, having difficulty breathing is going to be the least of her worries. Mid October becks at December and she shyly walks his direction.

Dear ladies, please take this under advisement; We (men) are not the proverbial sexual beings the world paints us to be. So when you think that ‘all you can do for your man’ has something to do with sex, then you got something else coming.

Certainly not all men are after a long term relationship – which is often clear to see on the onset of the courtship. People in such unions see nothing beyond the ceiling and the headboard and in extension, nothing beyond the first fight. Therefore this column, clearly, isn’t for them. But for you who seek otherwise, this is an integral ticket to the longevity of your relationship.

Your man won’t tell you these and I bet a million stars that he mightn’t ever tell you. Simply because he expects you as a woman to know better.

•He won’t tell you that there’s more to dating than sex.

Yes, sex is good. In fact it is considered one of the strongest adhesive forces for keeping a relationship intact. That’s why relationships that have poor sex or no sex at all don’t live to see the sunsets in the western skies. For (place a noun)’s sake, practice all the magical sex you can. Ask it of him. Taking leading roles. Try new things. Just remember that there’s more to life than it.

If the first thing that knocks in mind when you think about the shit you’ve done for him is sex and nothing more, you don’t deserve a seat in the table of queens. Oh! And, SHAME ON YOU!

•He won’t teach you on how to quit being a boring girlfriend.

There’s nothing as fulfilling as having a girlfriend who shares in your happiness. Or at least has an interesting life beyond the usual P, Q, R’s of life. There’s no harm in you going out with your man to watch a football match on a dull Saturday afternoon, or even playing FIFA with him. Yes. FIFA! There’s no harm with you breaking monotony and having random date nights. There’s extremely no problem with you trying out fantasies in your bedroom. There had never been a law barring you from finding a time chaser like bike riding over the weekend and enjoying it together. Saying no to the little things he proposes to cheer the mood is suicide. You’re lucky if he stays on through the first Christmas.

It is frustrating to say the least walking home every day to a woman who doesn’t overdose us with cheer. There’s no way in the heavens above and hell below that you even don’t have a hobby he can share in. Bottom line, BORING IS SUFFOCATING!

•He won’t write you an emotional text saying how he too needs attention and affection.

He’s a man and he is engineered to die with a chest of emotion with him.

A girl won’t talk to a guy for a week because the poor man didn’t reply to her text by the second. Somehow double standards whisper to her ears that she can take her sweet time to reply to his texts. She feel entitled enough to ignore his calls and texts and reply whenever she damn well pleases because status quo said so. Well I got news for you, don’t!

Scanty communication has often a time sunk relationships that were meant to see ground. Ego will chant at you that ‘it’s not in your position to text him first’. Narcissism will howl that there’s no way you will apologize for squat!
Naivety will murmur that you shouldn’t give him a crutch to hold on when his feet can’t hold him. Well, I got news for you. Ego, Selfishness and Love don’t row the same direction. The raft you hang on to will go everywhere but home.

Baby, a random ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’, ‘I believe in you’ in the middle of a busy day won’t kill neither of you. We love a woman who takes into account that we too love feeling wanted. We too are vulnerable beings who need assurance. One who takes into account that our emotions run deeper than a harbor yet sometimes too difficult to show. Show him the affection you crave for and thank me later.

•Certainly, teach you on how to BE THERE.

Shame on you if you are not there for your man when he bakes in the sun building a legacy. Shame if you don’t think your pat on the back is necessary. Shame if this doesn’t move you to becoming a better lover.

I can’t emphasize this enough. Simply because there’s never enough of being there for anyone. It hurts a man not sharing his hustle or dreams or ideas with you because he knows you’re insensitive and unsupportive. And just because you don’t support his pursuits doesn’t mean all other girls don’t. Drag this to the bank, lady. Some, in fact many, ladies do support him. He just turns a blind eye to your demeanor and hopes that one day you’ll get your act together.

A man can keep an unsupportive girlfriend for so long. Things go south sometimes and when they do, he will go to the girl who cheered him on when he crawled on his knees.

•It’s not rocket science that his silence doesn’t imply anarchy.

Sometimes we just want to be silent. Sometimes arguments aren’t in our menu. Sometimes ‘no’ is served through silence. When a fight unfolds, and your man just keeps quiet, take it as a sign. Maybe he just isn’t in the mood for drama or he knows the outcome won’t be anything but a shit storm. Don’t push it.


With that, I wish you a fulfilling relationship and a happy weekend.

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2 thoughts on “Things Your Man Won’t Tell You.

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